My Evening and Comments on Life (note from 9/12/08)

I am so happy right now for no reason. No, in spite of reasons not to be happy. I think that's the best reason to feel good.

Earlier tonight, I went to Barnes & Noble in the pouring rain. My mom asked if I was meeting a drug dealer. I told her I was going to a bar and then assured her that I really am the only teenager in America who spends her Friday nights at the bookstore.

I pulled into the parking lot and my aunt got out of the car parked next to me. What a coincidence. I've been running into family members in random places a lot lately.

I wandered for about an hour and a half. I browsed each section at least twice except for the computers and technology section. Once was enough there. I find it amusing that Barnes & Noble has a "New History" section. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who sees the irony there.

I find that my tastes have changed a lot recently and become rather eclectic. Anyone who says that people don't change has just never experienced a major change. I have. I am an entirely different person today than I was a year ago. I suppose that means that I could be an entirely different person a year from now. This is both refreshing and terrifying.

Talking is so much more cathartic than writing, and writing is usually more effective than typing. However, something about putting this out for some indeterminate person to read just feels right.

Back to my evening. By my second perusal of the literature section, I believe I began to hallucinate. I heard the voices of people I know, some of whom I haven't spoken to in years. I have yet to discover the meaning of this. An Asian male winked at me in the philosophy section. He could have been fifteen or fifty. He could even have been a figment of my imagination.

So what was the outcome of my trip? I spent money I don't have on books I don't have time to read. Irresponsible, yes, but so satisfying. I do these types of things when I am stressed and in need of happiness. I bought a huge Edgar Allen Poe anthology. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I don't know that I want you to.

I used a plastic bag today because of the rain. It made me feel guilty, but books don't like rain very much. Barnes & Noble bags are very nice, though. I'm sure I'll find a way to use it again.

The cafe smelled very good- a combination of coffee, chocolate cake, and something burnt. It's a wonderful smell to associate with books, solitude, and silence.

I had soup at eleven o'clock. It was just one of those days. I'm going to have bizarre dreams tonight and I'm okay with that.

I'm listening to Who Killed Amanda Palmer. I love it. I think I have a crush on Amanda Palmer. Scratch that. I've known that for months. I have 12,508 songs on Rhapsody. I think I love music just for being music. Actually, I've known that for a long time, too. I love some music more than others, though. Like this song- Ampersand. Beautiful. I wrote the lyrics on my English notebook. Ask me and I'll show you.

I reccomend meditation. Whoever you are, still reading this, you should try it. If you can empty your head of all thought for even five minutes a day, it makes the day to day wear and tear much more bearable.

Congratulations on making it this far, if you have. I'm tired now and will probably be going to bed shortly. Writing this made me feel much better. Thank you for reading. Say something so I know you got this far. Maybe I'll give you a cookie or something. Good night.

Love,Jess