Sunday, March 1, 2009

I haven't done this in a while. (note from 2/3/09)

I had another one of those thoughful nights filled with wonderful feelings and figured that it was time for another note.

It has been snowing all day. There's only about an inch on the ground, but it's enough to make everything quiet and peaceful. It's pristine, white, and untouched. I love being the first to step in a fresh blanket of snow. I can only imagine what Freud would say about that.

I got all bundled up in two hoodies, my jacket, my scarf, and my brother's gloves. I have small hands and I can't wear adult gloves, so I wear the ones meant for 7-14-year-olds. I kind of looked like I was going to blow something up.

It is beautiful outside. Everything is white except for the sky. The sky is purple. I love the way snow clings to tree branches and makes them look like crystals.

My MP3 player was not cooperating. The only word I can use to describe my mood is "floaty." The music it was playing was absolutely NOT floaty. It seemed firmly set on angry. I am not angry right now. Ok, maybe I am. The economy bothers me. I don't like having my hours cut to a third of what they used to be. School bothers me. My 40 pound bookbag is going to turn me into Quasimodo. Oh, and the layout of the country is not really in my favor. But that's not the point. To quote the Hoh, "World peace, starving children." I'm not angry. I'm floaty. I threw a snowball into the stream to prove my floaty-ness. It bobbed around and then started to shrink slowly until it was out of sight. I kind of identified with the snowball and even felt sympathy for it. I'm kind of strange that way.

Before I knew it, I was at the playground. I'm pretty sure I just automatically walk there whenever I leave my house. Stupid little delinquent that I am, I decided to go on the swings after dark. I didn't get arrested. When I got on the swing, "A Sorta Fairytale" by Tori Amos started to play. That's floaty. It was perfect. It brought me to a world of swirly happiness that is short-lived and bittersweet. I thought of dancing in the field near the playground and making snow angels. Then I realized that I was alone. I sang into my scarf because no one could hear me. The song fit my mood so well that I set my MP3 player to play only Tori.

I went the long way home. Everything was perfect. I am alone but not. I took my scarf away from my face to breathe the cold winter air. It was as satisfying as a cold drink of water on a hot summer day. The snowflakes stung my face and blurred my vision. It was wonderful. I was grinning from ear to ear. I thought about the coming months and realized that I have never been so excited in my life. Everything was quiet and peaceful, pristine and white. It was a perfect evening.

I still feel all floaty inside.

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